Project Marian: A Postmortem

Chapter 0: Background (1999-2016)

I was quite different when I was very young. I was a bit of a troublemaker going into grade school, simply because I didn't know where the boundaries were in terms of behavior. Then, in third grade, my anxiety disorder surfaced, and I have been a reserved straight-A student ever since.

However, I have always been quite creative, doodling comics full of ideas stolen from my older brother's doodled comics, and later doodling out stories on a whiteboard with my sister.

I suppose it was obvious such a child was going to get really into video games. They were a break from the difficulties of life, except for when the video games themselves were too difficult, in which case I got really loud and angry at them.

I didn't have any of the Playstations and Xboxes my gamer peers at school had. I had Nintendo consoles, and a PC used to play flash games and CD-based games based on children's shows. It wasn't til later that I found out about the world of indie games. It was also around that time that I learned about emulation, playing such games as the english fan-translation of Mother 3.

In my teenage years, I knew that I was probably gonna end up becoming a video game programmer. I even threw together a few small games in high school. In my head, I pictured myself working for a AAA studio such as Nintendo, but in retrospect, I couldn't be more thankful that it didn't happen.

The burnout began in Senior Year, 2016. As I navigated the stressors in life, multiplied by my disorder, I stopped caring about some of the minor ones. My grades fell a tiny bit, getting a few B-grades in classes, but still good nonetheless. I couldn't imagine getting a AAA game career, let alone getting into a high-level university, but at that point I stopped caring about that. The previous year, Undertale released.

It may be different for folks who actually paid attention to indie games before, but for me, Undertale really seemed to spark a revolution in how society viewed indie games. It at the very least changed how I viewed them. While Undertale wasn't certainly from Toby Fox alone, the game inspired me into looking to become a solo developer. If a music composer could create a game of such wide renown, surely I could too, right?

Chapter 1: Untitled Fantasy Idea (2016-2017)

“In October of 2015, Toby Fox released a video game called Undertale. It shook the game industry with its emotionally moving story and innovative mechanics. I immediately wanted to make a game as emotional as it made people. I threw in a bunch of emotional ideas at this project, such as the ghost of your brother as a final boss, and a guy trapped between dimensions. It was an ambitious story, and, looking back, it was not good at all. Most to all of the ideas thought up here have been dropped.” – 2020 Retrospective: Unnamed Fantasy Idea, 2015-2016

Given how most of my focus in 2016 went to high school, and my lack of experience with writing in general, it makes sense how most of my ideas initially were just stolen from other things, in the same way as the comics of my childhood. The story needs to be emotional? The ending of Mother 3 was emotional, where you fight your brother, let's throw that in. Good characters? People seem to like Sans from Undertale, a lazy joke-craking guy who turns out to be the final boss of the messed-up route? Throw all of it in. He's powerful because of dimensions or something.

I didn't write down my ideas in this era, so most of what I had here is lost to time. The main part of the story was a tower that granted wishes every few years. I decided the conflict of the game would be between two warring factions. I originally just grabbed the humans vs monsters part of Undertale for this, but I later changed it to humans with warring ideologies. Over time, I added more and more things to it to flesh it out. There was a knight who deemed it morally righteous to strike you down, and so he pursued you across the game. There was another knight lady who swore to protect a scientist lady, (Yeah, I just grabbed Undyne and Alphys for this) who went to extreme measures to fulfill her promise.

Despite what I even knew at the time was just copying things from other games, after graduating high school, those ideas began to mutate. I consumed content, took some ideas I liked from it, and waited for the ideas to grow into new ideas. Eventually, even the initial ideas became better and better. I could make a great game; I just needed to wait for the ideas to come to me.

Chapter 2: Bloodfaeries (2017-2019)

“At this point, I found an idea for the central conflict of the game: magical creatures that killed people. These creatures were special in that before they killed you, you got a burst of immense magical power. I wrote about a villain trying to utilize this energy, which replaced my previous idea of a tower that granted wishes. I also added a story narrative around long-lost magics being rediscovered. The ghost brother fight was turned into a mind controlled sister fight, and the protagonist was developed into a punk named Zachary who had to deal with his toxic side by the end of the game. It was beginning to take form, but it still had plenty of issues that had to be dealt with.” – 2020 Retrospective: Bloodfaeries, 2016-2019

After a huge blast of inspiration from watching Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, I was able to mold my pile of ideas into something I considered to be a suitable game story. A big part of the story were the Bloodfaeries the game would be named after. These creatures devour souls, but in a way that grants a brief period of incredible power to their victim. They themselves were actually the crystallized extract of one of the two types of mana that form a soul in this world. The Bloodfaeries added impact to the story, though it was a bit cheap how many times I had written that an enemy was struggling in a fight, then a faerie randomly shows up.

The land gained a backstory of an evil kingdom that used the power of the faeries until their overuse caused a great cataclysm, which caused their technology, and the faeries themselves, to become forgotten for years. This added meaning to several ideas I had previously. The tower turned from a wish-granter into the main source of Bloodfaerie production, powered by a "Queen Bloodfaerie". The evil faction's vague ideological difference became the desire to resurrect the kingdom of old. The scientist lady became Sophia, the only girl who was of the right bloodline for the Queen Faerie to respond to, and the Knight became Nicole, a pariah who became the evil faction's main muscle in return for the promise of Sophia's life.

It was also at this time that I actually created the protagonists of this story. The main character was Zachary, a punk who was thrown into a world of adventure after his sister, Elizabeth, rediscovered the systems of magic that had been forgotten for centuries. The final boss idea became a battle with a brainwashed Elizabeth, which in retrospect was unintentionally even more like the Mother 3 battle I accused myself of copying. I also gave Zachary a love interest by the name of Tyler, but his character wouldn't be truly developed for a long time. Despite the lack of detail for them all, and the eventual removal of Elizabeth as a character, the remaining 4 would stick around for the rest of the project, and became some of the main pieces of it in time.

In terms of the game at this time, it would have had 2 acts, split in the middle where the evil faction actually gains control of the tower. I didn't have much ideas in terms of gameplay other than "Generic RPG Gameplay." Certainly the story could speak for itself, right?

Either way, the story was way too complicated and ambitious for a beginner to write, let alone balance an RPG around. But I stuck with it, seeing it as an eventual hit story, but it needed an extra boost to become truly ready to reveal.

Drawing during study hall

Chapter 3: CGA: Conscience Granted Automation (2019-2020)

“The final era before the current one of this game’s development involved turning the fantasy setting into a cyberpunk one. The magical faerie creatures were replaced with batteries that stored human souls. The game’s focus turned from a meaningless war to a corrupt corporation using an energy crisis to justify a military coup. A lot of extra details were added to the world, and everything was wrapped around an art style involving a retro computer palette. I believe that these details is [sic] what caused the project in this stage to collapse, as it was too ambitious for one man to do.” – 2020 Retrospective: CGA: Conscience Granted Automation, 2019-2020

I am not sure what exactly incited the change, but I eventually decided that the vague magical systems would be a lot better as slightly less vague Magitech systems. The game was now a cyberpunk game! The faeries became batteries for mana, ancient souls could be stored on computers, and everyone else became soulless robots, except for Sophia and Nicole, who became two of those souls. Lastly, the vague "evil faction" became an evil corporation, wishing to use the ancient technology for themselves.

Despite these huge changes, I wouldn't really call the story much different from Bloodfaeries. At the very least, its the smallest amount of change between eras.

The gameplay was different. It transformed from an RPG into a Beat-em-up, with a mana system that would change the game into a twin stick shooter.

However, the main thing that differentiated this era from the rest was the art style. At the time, I found what I thought to be a good "shortcut" to making stylized art, which was just a dither filter with the colors locked to Black, White, Cyan and Magenta. (This is why the game was called CGA, an abbreviation shared with that of an old graphics adapter limited to that very palette!) However, this idea fell apart fast. One look at my game jam game Ten Minutes to Kill the Wizard is enough to tell you that it wouldn't have worked, especially with pixel art. I eventually changed this art style to a more regular one, and just started referring to it as Project Sophia until I could think of a better name, which didn't come before the whole thing changed entirely.

Despite this, I actually at the time finally deemed the the game worthy of truly starting on. I made a Twitter page for the game, which might still be up today, and a prototype of Zachary walking around before finally succumbing to the size of the project. I still didn't quite realize the error was in the size, so I just fiddled with ideas until the next bout of inspiration hit.

Development Screenshot

Chapter 3.5: Mag-Tournament (2020-2020)

“...I thought it would be appropriate to describe where this project is today. One of the main concepts of the story is centered around a tournament with an exuberant cash reward, which economies have grown to rely on. The relative fight has been replaced with a fight with a fallen hero with nothing left to lose from destroying the universe. It is showing a lot of promise, but I still cant decide what genre I want the game to be…” - 2020 Retrospective: Today: Mag-Tournament, 2020-???

After playing F-Zero GX for the first time, I got the inspiration to change the game completely. What was a beat-em-up became a racing game. The continent became a galaxy with many planets, all fiscally dependent on a racing tournament. Elizabeth was removed from the story, and the final battle became against Nicole, who in this game was a champion racer from ages ago.

Despite the fact that a galaxy probably would have been harder to write for than the continent of the original, the main hurdle the game succumbed to was programming. Given my inspiration, I wanted the game to use a very similar Zero-Gravity racing system. In-story I described the technology in vague "Magnets!" terms, which is where the title came from. However, I couldn't figure out how to implement such a racing system. While this was the main problem, the sudden change in genre also left many holes in the story, and on top of all this, I was starting college soon. I decided to put it on hold for a while, and I eventually even reverted it back to its old story before I got the next idea.

Doodle of concept, 2020

“...But, as the past 5 years on this project have shown, I don’t think this is a project that can fully die.” - 2020 Retrospective: Today: Mag-Tournament, 2020-???

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHA

Chapter 4: DEFECT (2020-2022)

At this point, most major changes to the project involved me consuming some piece of media, and getting ideas on how to spin it differently. In 2020, some time after playing through F-Zero, I played through Mega Man Zero for the first time. I thought the game could have put more focus on the prior relationship between Zero and X, since they were now leading the different sides of the war. I can't blame them for not going that route in a soft reboot, but this thought completely changed the project I was working on for a long time.

Now, instead of Sophia and Nicole, Zachary and Tyler were the ancient robots, Zachary taking the role of Zero, and Tyler taking the role of X. Their relationship was raised from even what the Mega Man X series had, casting them as an action duo and romantic partners. A crisis caused Zachary to almost die, and had to be rebuilt over a hundred years. Tyler wasn't told of this, and thought of Zachary as dead. This finally gave Tyler the character he was lacking since his creation in the Bloodfaeries era.

Sophia became the commander of a squadron meant to combat an army of rebellious robots who wanted to take the planet's last remaining urban city. This army was led by Nicole, who at this point of the project was completely changed from a generic knight character to a complex villain robot who suffered the same fate as Tyler, thinking Sophia was killed. She became the big bad, and worked to slowly manipulate and condition Tyler into leading the army in her place.

It wasn't just a "good guys vs bad guys" story, either. You learn of horrible practices from the organization leading your and Sophia's squad, connected to the planet's destruction, forcing you to break off from it.

For the longest time, my thoughts were completely alone. However, at this point, I had made a close friend, and started bouncing ideas off of him. This helped the game bloom, especially visually, as my friend drew art of many of my concepts.

Despite this, the story was still too ambitious. The world was more reasonable to write around, but I still wasn't skilled enough to tackle the moral complexities of the competing armies. However, the project's biggest failing was simply the fact that I didn't want to make a 2D run & gun platformer.

There were good ideas in this project. I would like to recycle some of them for a first person immersive sim idea I have, but it will take a long time for me to build the skills to work on that one.

Concept Art

Chapter 5: Galactic Prix (2022-2024)

As DEFECT began to stagnate in my brain, I began longing for the next hit of inspiration to change the project completely. That inspiration came with watching the movie Redline for the first time. That movie provided enough inspiration to fill up nearly all the holes Mag-Tournament had in it. Nearly all of the progress I made with DEFECT was gone, and the game became a racing game once more.

It was still about a galaxy-wide racing tournament and huge income inequality, but I added depth to the idea with a number of megacorporations who long ago hijacked the computer systems in charge of the race . They started to keep the ludicrous cash reward for themselves, while still using the promise of the winnings to keep the rest of the public complacent.

Everyone was back to being human. Zachary became a silent protagonist for the player to project onto, which honestly fit his personality and aesthetic better. Tyler became a mechanic who helps Zachary on his journey, being the main person to repair Zachary's vehicle. This role for Tyler gave him way more personality than the previous roles he had. Nicole combined ideas from all 3 previous eras to become a cyborg racing machine for the megacorporations, with plans of turning against them in memory of Sophia, who she still thought was dead. Sophia, meanwhile, was finally given a character depth while still retaining the concept of her royal upbringing. She became the child of the creators of the racing tournament, and the only one who knew how to shut it down for good.

I made a bit more progress with the F-zero like engine, but I threw that out after playing Road Rash for Playstation. The game was now to be a pseudo 3D racer to allow narrative events to occur on the road, in the way that Star Fox automatically guides your ship so it doesn't get in the way of story events. I wanted to have a separate top-down exploration part of the game, since that part of its Undertale inspiration never died, but I eventually decided to throw that out in favor of a mission system like in Armored Core.

The story was engaging without being too bloated. It was meaningful but reserved. It let gameplay combine with story in a meaningful way. But a I tried to get the pseudo 3D engine working, cracks began to show. I couldn't figure out the details of Nicole's motivation; her motivations alone became more morally complex than the entire previous story. But the main thing was that I couldn't figure out how I wanted the story to end. One of the original foundational ideas for the entire project, that of an emotional battle at the end of the game, got thrown out during the change to a racing game. What story I had I couldn't figure out the best system of putting it in the game. And, as trim as I made the story, a galaxy-wide adventure is still extremely ambitious.

Concept Art

What Went Wrong

"BARON!!! WHAT'S THE GAMEPLAY LIKE???" - You, at your monitor, probably at some point while reading this article

You will notice that the information I provided leans way more towards story than gameplay. I believe this was a major issue with the project, and even with problems I experience currently. I draw a blank whenever I get more than the bare basics down in a game engine. I used to blame the engine, constantly hopping between different ones. In the end, my selection narrowed to being between one engine and the idea of forgoing an engine and using game development frameworks to build the game from the ground up. But I could never get any progress done. And while I struggled in the programming department, my story ideas grew and grew, eventually reaching higher than I could ever dream of programming around. At that point, I was probably better off just writing a book.

But one of the main issues was definitely my determination to do it alone. Not even Undertale, the game that started everything, was made alone. Deltarune was a huge team project, even though it continues to loom over my failures. I would love to get a team together, but I have no idea how. And besides, I feel like I need something to show in order to get people interested in joining. A promise of a game beyond a bunch of paragraphs of what I want the story to be like.

Epilogue (2025-???)

It is now 2025, nearly 10 years after this journey began, and nearly 1 year since the project ended in failure. I am once again faced with the release of a new Deltarune chapter, and multiple of them at that. At the very least we were given the announcement and release date a few months in advance. But looking outside of the community I'm in isn't much better, with the government seemingly hell-bent on tearing itself apart. So I still spend all of my time online. I thought that cancelling the project would help me reopen my heart to the games I grew disdain towards during it. I have no idea why I thoght that. Now it brings me more sadness than before. I have no intentions of getting the chapters when they release, and I plan on taking a sabbatical from a wide portion of the internet when it releases. I just don't think I would be able to handle the hype.

Since the breakdown in October, I have actually become a more social person, and I am active in an online friend group now. But I still feel like a failure. That's why I am leaving a large portion of the internet for a while. I want to either get this feeling behind me, or make something that proves it wrong. I will return to the internet when the hype dies down whether I have something to show for it or not. But I hope I will, as then I can begin the process of warming my heart again to Undertale, the game that inspired me the most.